X need not apply
There is too much on my plate, and one can only be so hungry. Hence, I need to find out which foods I like the best and also which one are the healthier option. Mediocre analogy aside, I need to focus my energy to things that are more fruitful to me.
I'm not gonna go deep into the philosophy of essentialism, minimalism or any of that. Hecc, I'd rather stay the hell away from even more to think about right now. It'd be impossible to at least not give a little nod in that direction and acknowledge that those terms haven't at least crossed my mind.
Funnily enough, the exact same thing happened just a couple of years ago; my mind was filled up with a bunch of small things that competed with bigger things and in the end I didn't get to do anything of it. It ended up with me standing at an impasse between doing a bunch of different things that I liked doing (which is, of course, completely valid) or doing a few things which I knew would feel much more rewarding for me.
I just want to feel productive and happy again, not chasing after things that maybe will make me happy. Activities like actually starting programming again and learn some new skills that would make me less anxious of not getting a better job, like building a portfolio; do more technical writing and maybe even X.
In other words, I need to clean my mental space by simply removing elements from my physical space that makes it hard for me to concentrate. And those things that I'm left with on my list to focus on I have to structure in a way that makes it easier for my brain to handle.
It was my intention I was gonna try to do something like bullet journaling, but that sounds like another thing that could turn into a hobby or at least something I could half-ass my way through. Also, I don't have as much of a problem of keeping up with tasks as with simply focusing on habits and hobbies. Therefore, bullet journals didn't seem like the right thing.
I also have a disdain for calendars, but even more so the mere thought of having to dictate every waking hour by one. Hats off to you if you do, but that could never be me.
I'm trying a new method of very simplistic habit tracking (using Loop on F-Droid) and hopefully that might put me on the right track to get in the habit of doing the stuff that will make me feel more satisfied with how I spend my time. I also tried to sprinkle in some healthier habits as well, like exercising, meal prepping and voice training.
However, I also try to incorporate some tasks that are leisure oriented, like listening to audio books. It feels incorrect calling them “tasks” or “habits”, but I'm not getting into that debate. Main point being, I want to have a well balanced set of things I do, that I can do on the regular and that I come back to yearning for more because I love doing them.
That's one of the main reasons I stopped recording music, as it started to feel like a chore; a chore I wasn't compensated by either a sense of accomplishment or money to survive. I still play my instruments sometimes, but it is now for my enjoyment only, and that is fine.
Similarly, I have realised that the amount of time I spent on social media has also turned into a chore. Whether that's moderating my fediverse server on tootsite or simply interacting with things because I felt like that's a thing I should do. So I'm gonna step a bit back from that, and only do what I feel is necessary and fulfilling. The same thing goes for the other social media/content sites I'm on like Reddit, YouTube and TikTok, but that goes without saying.
To the future, and beyond!
I'm not sure if the steps I'm taking these days are the right ones, but I'm sure I will know soon enough and can adjust when necessary. I'm just tired of all this mental juggling of such a silly thing as choosing which hobbies I do top of my transition and knowing if I have a enough money to live.
That's why this reprioritisation is not only a move to save only mental energy, but also funds which are quite thin at the moment. Things that I have grown to like, such as printers, typewriters and LPs will probably have to be sold for me to move on from the pit that I'm stuck in. The same goes for the equipment I'm using to make music. I'm trying my best not to be too impulsive in such decisions, but I do see them as highly necessary steps to take. This will also mean other budget decisions like not having subscription services anymore or buying games I only might finish. At least that's the idea.
If X need not apply, I shouldn't keep it in my life “just because”, but I need my brain to understand that better than today.
Well, this have been quite the ramble so I think I'll have to cut it there and pick it up at a later time. Maybe things will have improved by then, who knows.
~See you, space cowboy~